A CHEESY rom-com I can deal with, even a clunky slasher flick, but I draw the line at movie remakes. If it ain't broke, why fix it? And when it comes to tinkering with 80s classics? Well, that's just sacrilege.
Wallets Bags ReplicaHence my dismay to discover that this week not only sees the A- Team make the leap to the big screen - 23 years after the original tv series wrapped - but a remake of 1984's Karate Kid will also open in cinemas, news that made my heart plummet like a stone. The A- Team trailer alone makes my blood curdle, the voiceover stating: "One year ago, an elite commando unit was sent to prison for a crime they did not commit, these men promptly escaped from a maximum security facility. Today, still wanted by the government, they survive as soldiers FOR HIRE."
bvlgari watches for menWhat? That's blatantly wrong. As any A-Team diehard will tell you, it's "soldiers OF FORTUNE". Why not just whitewash over the ceiling of Sistine Chapel while you're at it.
But while Liam Neeson cannibalising Hannibal's natty catchphrase: "I love it when a plan comes together" grates, it is admittedly marginally better than what's going down in the remake of the Karate Kid. The updated version sees 12-year-old Dre Parker and his mother move to Beijing where he is unmercifully bullied until caretaker Mr Han, played by Jackie Chan, steps in to teach him how to fight back. Troublingly, though, it's kung fu - not karate that the so-called Karate Kid is taught. The famous "wax on, wax tory burch flats off" scene has been ditched too, replaced by Parker repeatedly taking his jacket on and off. Somehow I can't see kids mimicking: "jacket on, jacket off" more than two decades later.
Things are classics for a reason and I, for one, will be giving the cinema a wide berth until the madness ceases
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